I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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