So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
