the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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