i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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