so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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