We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
