I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
