his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just pee around me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
don't judge my taste in strippers
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
