Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How external is "for external use only"?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
