If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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