i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
