But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
