I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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