ya dads aren't the best wingmen
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
