I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize