My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
