Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
