i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
