Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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