Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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