I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
