i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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