It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've blown a few things in my day
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
