I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
