Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
