Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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