I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
