we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize