we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
