I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When are your genitals available?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
