Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
