I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
