So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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