I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
