I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
