you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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