just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize