Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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