Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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