If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
