wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
