your parents love me but you hate me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This toilet bowl is my home.
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