I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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