if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I seem to have left my pride at pride
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
not ubering you a puppy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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