the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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