Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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