sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize