i wish starbucks made bloody marys
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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