so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
