Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize