no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
