i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
