If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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