At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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