I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
