Define "chronic" masturbator.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
false alarm, still single
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
