K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
two words: eviction party
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
