I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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