i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
