I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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