He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My penis needs a shock collar
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
