I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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