So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
