You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
