Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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