You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Drunk is a universal language darling
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
