I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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