Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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