made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
