So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
