Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
