also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
