i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize