I just pynch a tree in the face
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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