Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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