this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
