I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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