I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
