dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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