I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
40s are totally the cure
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
