She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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