apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
