I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
40s are totally the cure
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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