piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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