I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
