You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
this beer tastes like vomit already
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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