Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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